BLACK WILLOW TEENS BEGIN GHOST HUNTING CULT. TERRORIZE THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

Local hooligan, gravedigger, and lead singer of the rock band "Stupid Ball Pit Cult" MITCH VERLICE (17) is known for his fearsome and unapologetic appearance around Black Willow, MA. Never before, however, did we expect such chaos from new resident and daughter of our very own Dr. Jill Rodriguez (Neuroscientist), DYLAN KLAYPOOL (16). The two Black Willow Academy high schoolers have been repeatedly seen, both on campus and in the wee hours of morning, plotting their diabolical schemes to, from what we understand, prove the existence of ghosts.

"It's literally horrible," says their fellow student CARRIE LANDRY (16), "I can't even focus in class because they won't shut up about ghosts and stuff or whatever. You know, like all the Halloween stuff except for the fun parts. And I'm, like, totally pissed because we're reading that Salem witch trial play (The Crucible by Arthur Miller) in Ms. Marrero's class and I can't even...focus."

Like this dedicated student, plenty other peers to these "Paranormal Nobodies," as they call themselves, have voiced their complaints. Amongst the concerned is Mayor Morgan Hall's own son, fraternal twin PARKER HALL (17) and step-daughter to Police Chief Ronald Hodge, LEXIE WILSON (16). To understand what goes on in the mind's of these two rogue youngsters, we've caught up with them during their community service at the Sacred Heart Church and asked a few questions.

DONOVEE: Mitch, can you please tell us what your outlook is on the spirit world?

VERLICE: I'm so glad you asked, Lilain Donovee. You look lovely today by the way. Great color shirt. Really brings out your eyes. Now, ghosts! The way I see it is this: existence of the sprit world, paranormal realm, or "Ether" as I like to call it, is proof that nothing is ever really gone. Now where exactly that Ether resides I won't claim to know, but what I can tell you is that, religiously and spiritually speaking, humanity has shown deep faith in the beyond since the beginning of time. We may have our differences, but we've seen this through line throughout history and across all continents and cultures up until this modern society of the West. In fact, we're standing on the very ground where witchcraft executions took place not even five-hundred years ago. So what we can take from this, besides the obvious effects of mass hysteria on secluded societies, is that man intuitively knows there's more than the physical. It always has.

Now! What Dillstick here (Dylan Klaypool to his right) and I are trying to do is prove this knowing through fact. We use the best technology available to detect paranormal activity through sound frequencies and temperature charts. The thing most people don't understand, the thing we're trying to teach them, is that our lack of belief in the paranormal world has real world consequences. Actual consequences on the physical, living world. On breathing people and breathing history.

DONOVEE: I see. Dylan, you've been awful quiet. Would you care to elaborate on some of these so-called "real world consequences?"

KLAYPOOL: Uh. Sure. Um. There's at best a ninety-percent accuracy rate amongst juries. Put that into perspective and, out of a hundred people on trial, ten will either be guilty and run free or, you know, remain innocent while accused. Unfortunately. So... if we're able to prove the existence of ghosts, prove it to the extent that the word of a ghost would be equally viable to any other witness, I mean just imagine how many answers we could have and how many wrongs could be made right. And really this goes well beyond murder trials. I mean, think of how many truths ghosts must witness. It would be like, like the scoop from a fly on the wall. It could be extremely useful.

Also, you know, a lot of people may have been improperly diagnosed with schizophrenia. This could be really clarifying for them if it pans out. I mean, they could be free from the medications that are numbing them of their individuality and possibly be seen differently. As exceptional mediums rather than just quote on quote "crazy people." So, yeah. I think that overall it would be really good all around.

VERLICE: That was so hot.

KLAYPOOL: He's joking.

DONOVEE: I see. And, Dylan, don't you feel as though there's a conflict of interest here. I mean, is your mother, Dr. Jill Rodriguez, not trying to prove the complete opposite? Prove that ghosts do not exist by explaining the neuroscience behind paranormal experiences. Is this just your own unique version of the classic teenage rebellion?

KLAYPOOL: Thank you for your interest. I reject responding to that question at the moment.

VERLICE: So hot.